tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
