His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
