flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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