My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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