I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my liver is dry heaving
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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