Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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