i just wanna soil my oats bro
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
