even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
