hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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