I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
