did you get engaged???
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
