God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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