We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
