If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
