o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
