I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
