you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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