I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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