I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
