did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
