I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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