im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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