Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
