In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
