please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
