I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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