Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
