Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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