if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
