so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
