Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
