Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
