Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
