okay pat passed out under dana's car
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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