I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
