Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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