he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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