I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
