Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
