I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
