I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
