Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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