Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
