Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
