Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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