Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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