I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
