We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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