I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
