i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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